Feeling the World Around Me

 

Four months in and I could have never imagined this would have been what retirement would have looked like.  Although I am sure that in this short time, I have only experienced a miniscule fragment of all it encompasses.  Up to this point, I would describe it as both part liberating, and part a relearning process. One thing that has not changed though is how difficult it still is to fathom that I never have to go to a job again.

If I am to be honest, in the very beginning I missed my work, the gratification it gave me and the daily mission of a goal to work toward.  But at the same time, there also was and remains this unrelenting necessity to peel away the immense layers of heaviness that is a result of working in the social services field. And that has taken precedence over any pinning I may feel about the past.

So, my priority now is to cleanse myself of 33 years of the emotional burden that I inadvertently carried. But make no mistake I would not change one second of those years for anything. Child Welfare was my calling. I will believe that to the day I die. But like others before me, I have carried the emotional toll of not only the sheer duties of the job, but all the other gut wrenching, heartbreaking and unforeseen barriers that were part of everyday work life as well. Whether in direct field work, supervision, management or as a consultant, the gravity of your decisions, mistakes, worries and even guilt constantly play over in your head and weigh you down. Because we understand that these are human beings and the implications of our decisions can have life changing ramifications.

And then there are the friends I left behind. Many of these friendships reached much further than the parameters of the DCFS and the J.O.B.  I miss my work tribe.  These are my people for life.  But now we are on separate paths and living much different lives.  And that makes me a little sad.  So, I am learning to navigate these relationships from a distance and when time permits. Because these are people I never want to lose and know God placed in my life for a reason.

Aside from these initial humps, retirement has been in many ways like learning to ride a bike.  A exhilarating, wobbly ride with occasional obstacles popping up in in my path.  But once you learn how to balance, to keep pedaling and use the brakes, then you look forward to riding somewhere new every day.   

 

The things that I got to scratch off my mini bucket list in the first four months

 

Crabbing twice, fishing twice

(3) day road trips / (1)weekend road trip  

Volunteered in the community once

Art lessons

Celebrated and caught up with old friends at least 11 times

Read 4 books

Watched 6 documentaries ( P.S. The Beatles: Get Back documentary is a must see!)

Went to a LSU Lady Tigers Basketball game (2)

 Spent precious time with my kids and grandkids